Living in a foreign country forces you to leave behind your old habits and reinvent yourself. If you refuse to be shaped by the host country’s culture you are going to have a very challenging time living abroad. On the other hand, if you decide to bend and let the new cultural experience instill new habits in you then a completely new world of opportunities opens. It is the ticket to a new lifestyle. 

Before living abroad, my small-town upbringing had left me with the “the frog in the well” mentality.  It wasn’t until I first came to the metropolis of Beijing that I began to be aware of the impact that growing up in a small town had on my personality and opinion. It took quite some time to let go of certain habits, but fortunately, I was the type of person that was craving change.

I’ll never forget the day I first flew to China. 

New Country New Me

I was going to study abroad for a year at the Beijing Language and Culture University. My friend and soon-to-be roommate came with several cases of over-sized luggage.  It seemed she was intent to take her whole life with her. 

I on the other hand came with little more than the bare minimum.  Before moving to China, I knew that I was going to be shaped by Chinese culture, not the other way around.  As it would turn out, my roommate would have a frustrating time trying to fit Chinese culture into her life. While I on the other hand adapted quickly.

Having spent one-third of my life in Beijing now, I can say that living abroad has been a life-changing experience. Living in a foreign country has taught me to leave “life in a well mentality” and learn to swim in the ocean with sharks and be OK with it. 

Living abroad is not for everyone though. Before you find out how to reinvent yourself, it is also very important to know what things to consider before moving abroad.

When Living Abroad, Learn to Adapt

Living abroad has taught me that big achievements both in life and work are rarely possible without learning to be flexible and adapting to changes. When living in China, nothing is taken at face value. Everything is negotiable and rules constantly change to meet the growing demands of this economy.

Living in such uncertainty can hardly be bearable to one who comes from a small town where nothing ever changes. However, with time I’ve come to realize that there are benefits to this. You are constantly being pushed to find new innovative ways to approach a problem and become resilient in the process.

Listen More Than You Speak

I come from a culture where people tend to be very direct and outspoken. However, I realized that Chinese people do not resonate well with this style of communication. In China, people communicate indirectly. This has its origins in traditional Chinese culture, which can be daunting to foreigners. They tend to use gestures, tone, and facial expressions when trying to show their opinion.

Also they don’t talk too much about their opinion or themselves, they are very humble indeed. Sometimes they might say “yes” to you even if they don’t agree with you. It took me some time to figure that this is so as not to hurt your feelings.

Though China is becoming very modern, Chinese people’s communication style often isn’t.  More often than not, their communication style will call back to Sun Tse’s “The Art of War”. 

Lessons and tactics once used for strategy are now applied to social relationships and negotiation. 

Maintaining Western methods of business communication when dealing with people in China can be dangerous.

Also it can cause one to be easily misled.  Expecting directness and taking things at face value hides the real picture and puts one at a disadvantage.  Doing business successfully in China means being able to listen carefully and extrapolate information through time and observation.  Talking too much and trying to dominate a conversation often leads to disaster here.

Living Abroad Will Make You Practical

Living abroad has taught me to become more realistic about life and how to be practical.

While the Chinese government may recognize a handful of religions such as Buddhism and Daoism, there really isn’t an abundance of religious people in China. 

Many view the Western concept of God and his ability to bring about success in life through prayer to be naive.  Instead, they believe that their fortunes can only be changed through study and hard work.  They look to no force other than their own effort for success.

In their drive to succeed they often overlook the small things that they deem irrelevant or inconsequential.  This often includes things that many of us would consider to be “good manners”.  I used to take it personally whenever people in this culture wouldn’t reply to my messages even when the answer was simply a “no”, or they wouldn’t say “sorry” or “thank you”.

Locals tend to not pay attention to these small things, especially the ones that nothing can be done about. In fact, by not replying, they’ve told you their answer. Deciding to simply move on and not look back strikes me as a cruel and insensitive thing to do. Though in their mind to do so would simply be wasting precious time that can be allocated to more productive things.

Chinese people are the masters of taking practicality to almost humorous levels.

Some go out in their pajamas to buy breakfast without carrying about what others would think.  I once watched a Chinese woman giving her face the necessary daily amount of moisture. She did it by applying freshly sliced cucumbers all over her face while driving to work. She didn’t seem to worry about being pulled over by the police. Some would call it courage. Though in many ways, they are a society of “honey badgers” when it comes to practicality.

You Might Become Ambitious

Living in China has a tendency to breed ambition.  After a while, you may find yourself with multiple business ideas and the desire to start one.  It’s part of the environment in China. Most people here are ambitious and hungry to succeed in life.

This ambition is rooted in China’s past. Because of the tight situation, China was in when they finally opened up their economy most were on an “even playing field”. Everyone stood an equal chance of changing their status through hard work.  Most of the families that are wealthy in China now rose up from poverty by working hard and taking advantage of opportunities when they presented themselves.

This climate of economic competition has continued across generations and still drives much of Chinese culture. No matter where they are, they will find a way to earn more money.

When Chinese people go to study abroad, the shelves in their dorm rooms are often filled products ready to ship to customers in China along with their books.  This has become a very popular business model in China called “daigou”.  It arose out of pure necessity for students to earn some money on the side to support themselves while studying abroad.

Even though I don’t share the same motivations as the people above, the ease of online shopping here has created a similar drive in me to always be earning a little more.  I may be using a lot of it for clothes, but the habit has stuck.

Living Abroad Made Me Rethink The Concept of Having Children Early in Life

Throughout my experience of living abroad, I’ve had the chance to communicate with quite a few successful career-driven women and mothers. They have influenced my view on the right age to be having your first child. One of them happened to be my boss.

Contrary to the common belief that children should be had early in life, a lot of the Chinese ladies choose to have kids later, when approaching or in their early forties.

Though some may consider it somewhat risky, I’ve come to see the benefit of this approach for a career-oriented woman. They get to realize their ambitions first, whether that be starting a business or climbing high up the corporate ladder.

Once they have a balanced career and have earned some financial independence, they can devote the necessary time to raising a child. They don’t deal with the problems young career moms face when trying to balance the time between work and raising a child.

Life Doesn’t End At Retirement When You Live Abroad

I’ve shared my admiration with Chinese people and their hard work. Though I’m truly fascinated with how the old and the retired people enjoy their life.

While many western people decide to spend their time at home with families once they retire, the elderly in China treat retirement as a new beginning. A lot of them choose to master a new hobby,  learn a language, travel the world, or even start a business.

As an English teacher, I’ve had the privilege to meet a man who just retired and wanted to learn English. His goal was to start traveling the world in a year, now that he had earned enough and had the freedom to do so. Those who don’t speak English tend to travel with their friends as part of a tour group. Depending on their financial situation, they travel as much as 3-5 times a year. These groups travel domestically and internationally, they get to visit so many countries in a year.

The Importance of Exercise for Health

Living abroad has taught me that Chinese people, especially the elderly, are very conscientious about keeping healthy.  I didn’t realize how deep it went until I took up swimming.  Sitting for long hours had left me with severe back pains so I decided to get a pool membership. For the past 5 years, I’ve been starting my mornings with an early swim every week.

A big reason for my persistence owes to seeing how persistent the elderly I swam with were. I was amazed to see people in their 80s going swimming most of the mornings, and they were spending at least 45 minutes in the pool.

Later we got a coach who willingly started to provide feedback to everyone for free. The old ladies were quick to start working on improving their swimming techniques. I was the one who was the least willing to follow. But seeing that everyone except for me improved, I started to feel ashamed and finally had to join them in the effort to swim better. Now that I’ve seen the improvement, I am very glad I did. But by the time I improved, they’d already been taught how to jump in the pool professionally. I feel they are always ahead of me.

Drink Green Tea

Drinking green tea changed my health habits forever. Not only did it improve my concentration, but it also helped to control weight, improved my immune system, and my skin looked much better.

Chinese people consume green tea in all its varieties on a daily basis and enjoy its benefits long term. Besides the other benefits, the ladies drink it as they believe green tea gives one a fresher, younger look, which is one thing that Chinese ladies never stop pursuing.

Food Varieties Enrich Your Life

The process of reinventing myself while living abroad wouldn’t have been complete without changing my food habits.

When I first tried Chinese food my tastes were very conservative. There were many things I thought I couldn’t tolerate so I only ordered from my list of favorites.

It took some time, but over the years I’ve tried different dishes. I feel my taste in food has improved and my list of favorite dishes keeps getting longer. In fact, I’ve come to realize that tasting different foods makes me really happy and it is one way to enjoy life in its varieties.  Knowing how to cook dishes outside your country’s cuisine can make dinners more exciting, and help to raise healthier kids with more diverse palettes.

Take Care of Your Parents

Elderly people hold a special place in Chinese society.  In the west parents typically support their children until they are ready to be on their own with little expectation for reciprocation. China however still holds to many of the tenants of Confucianism, which includes the idea of filial piety.  

Seeing how the Chinese treat their parents after they leave home has made me rethink how I treat my own parents.  For instance,  I’ve paid for their trips and not let them spend any of their money. They severely opposed that and threatened to retaliate by paying me back, but I wouldn’t have it. 

I was proud to have a chance to “exercise my filial piety” even though it may have come at a time when I didn’t feel incredibly well off myself.

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In what way has your experience living abroad helped you reinvent yourself?