Recognizing Expat Depression

There comes a moment in every expat’s journey when the fun and excitement of living abroad finally wears off and reality kicks in.  Realizing that the honeymoon phase is over, the task of daily life abroad can become a vexing and lonely experience.  It is generally at this point that one begins to take note of all the little things that make them uncomfortable in their host country.  One may even begin to take stock of all the comforts of their home country that they’re beginning to miss.  Follow this rabbit hole long enough and you’re liable to find yourself on the slippery, spiraling tunnel that leads straight into the bowels of a pit called expat depression. Congratulations traveler, you’ve caught the expat blues.

Depression comes for everyone at some point in their lives. Though if you’ve never experienced anything like it and you’re over 25, I’m sure there’s no shortage of neurologists that would love to study your brain if you’ll allow them.  Thankfully, the expat variety of depression can be approached very similarly to any other form of non-clinical depression.  Here are some of the things you can do should you find yourself in a state of despair and ennui brought on from your time abroad.

Tips For Dealing With Expat Depression

Acknowledge, Accept and Forgive

Before you can even begin to remedy the sadness you may be feeling it is crucial to accept and forgive yourself. Depression and sadness are common and natural human emotions.  Step one to dealing with them acknowledging your emotions and giving yourself permission to feel them.  First, accept that the emotion is there and that it is okay for you to feel it.  Instead of telling yourself that you’re living your dream, or that you have no acceptable reason for feeling this way, forgive yourself and allow the emotion to happen. Sometimes you don’t need a reason, sometimes you just feel a certain way, and that is okay.

Set a Deadline

Allowing yourself to feel morose is all well and good, but we all know that we have to go back to being productive members of society at some point.  Give yourself a timeline.  If it helps you can think of your current state like any viral illness.  You are sick now. Though you will get better, and at some point, you need to re-join the herd as it were. 

Perhaps you only need a few hours to let yourself experience the emotion, or perhaps you need a few days. Whatever the case may be you need to let yourself experience the feelings. Though you have to be able to tell yourself that you’re not allowed to wallow in self-pity and sadness forever.

Assess Your Predicament

After you wake up from a night-long Hagen Das bender surrounded by the empty ice cream cartons and discarded tissues from the crying session brought on by re-watching Pixar’s “Up” (you know the scene…), it’s time to take stock of what brought you to this emotional valley in the first place. 

At this point you may find it helpful to begin writing things down.  Make a chart of what your life was in your home country, what your life is now that you’re living abroad, and what you’d like your life to be.  Consider every aspect of your life:  Social, Occupational, Financial, Spiritual, Romantic, Sexual, Dietary, etc.  Once you’ve got that list written it out it should be fairly easy to see which aspects of your life have made the most improvement and which elements have taken the biggest hit. 

Address the Problem Areas

If things have been going otherwise well for you in your host country and you’re still feeling this way, the expat depression you are experiencing is most likely some variation of homesickness.  In which case, it may be time to reintroduce elements of home back into your life. Whatever your Assessment List showed you that you’re lacking, find healthy ways to at least partly fill those gaps. 

This is can take the form of decorations around the house, music choice, setting up a shrine or prayer space, investing some serious money into one of your old hobbies (trust me it’s worth it), or just keeping food from home stocked around the house.  As I once read on another expat blogger’s site, “Never underestimate the power of peanut butter.”  Should you find yourself living in a major city most of these shouldn’t be an issue in this day and age. 

The demand for import goods is usually pretty steady in these places.  Those that may have some problems are those living in remote or rural areas, and those that moved to the United States (I’m sorry Americans, I’ll never forgive you for your lack of Flake Bars, Jaffa Cakes, Jelly Babies, or Kinder Eggs).   Regardless, even if you are in a less than accommodating location there should be ways to get your hands on some of the creature comforts you’re missing.

Build Your Support Network

As obnoxious as I personally find the song in question, I have to concede that Bill Withers did make a valid point we he asserted that “We all need somebody to lean on.”  Expat or not, the cliché that no man is an island holds true;  it’s important to have a network of people that you can rely on and share your life with. 

Just as important, and often overlooked in its value is being part of that network for others.  When you’re an expat, building this network can be a tall order depending on where you are. One possible complication may be that the gap between the cultures of your home and host country is too large for you to easily form meaningful relationships with the locals.  This is a particularly common sentiment among occidentals that move to East Asia. 

Another possible issue unique to expats that might contribute to expat depression is the “revolving door” aspect of their communities.  People always eventually leave in these environments, though the upswing is new people are also coming in as well.  Despite the problems that you may have to face, the fact is you’ll only get what you put in.  So go out and be social, talk to strangers, be friendly, and make friends.  Eventually, you WILL find people that you meaningfully connect with.  Until then there’s always the internet.

Don’t Forget to Call Mum

Unless your family is a group of wholly toxic individuals you left your country to get away from, you should have at least some relative that you can approach to help you sort through what you’re feeling.  While in the past long-distance calls were an expensive hassle, we’re fortunate enough today that a stable internet connection and telephony program like Skype or Viber are all that is required to get in touch with almost anyone on the globe.  Also, they probably miss you and would be happy to hear from you.

It’s Okay to Hide

At some point you might just feel exhausted or burnt out from all the excitement of living in a new country.  In which case, it’s alright to hide for a bit.  Play a game, read a book, binge watch a series, or engage in whatever form of escapism appeals to you. Despite what some may say, it is healthy so long as you don’t let it get in the way of responsibility or life goals.

Set a Goal

If you’re more achievement-driven than introverted escapist (and even if you are an introverted escapist), set some kind of goal for yourself to help you overcome the feeling of expat depression.  There’s nothing that says it has to be big or lofty, nor does is it required to be a massive undertaking that will set you down a path to success for the rest of your life.  Something meant to improve your life is just enough.  If you’re feeling depressed you probably don’t need a complicated goal right now anyway, just something simple and achievable that may only take you a month or so to accomplish.

How to Cope With Expat Depression

Depression and melancholy are as stated before, natural emotions.  That said, natural emotions should only take so long to process.  Our brains are actually only meant to feel any given emotion for about 90 seconds. That’s it.  Anything after that is usually a product of rumination, which means we dwell on the thoughts surrounding that emotion and allow it to perpetuate. It’s that rumination that draws most people into depression. 

If you can recognize the things you are ruminating over, it may be possible for you to break the cycle all by yourself and begin to climb out of the despair you’ve been feeling.  Remember, expat depression has a snowball effect, so it is extremely important to take action quickly.

If you feel you’re not quite ready to see a professional, you may find some other helpful ways to cope in this post. 

However, if you find yourself unable to do so and the emotions persist for several weeks, you may have stumbled your way into clinical depression.  Before you go hitting the internet and trying to diagnose yourself, consider consulting a professional first.  There are many criteria for any given mental illness and only a trained professional is qualified to assess your condition. 

Thankfully for expats there are many online mental health consultation services available and some professionals are even willing to work on a sliding payment scale if you are concerned about expenses.  Just like any other sickness, if you are feeling the symptoms of depression for a long period of time, you should see a doctor.  Don’t deny yourself the help you deserve.

A Final Word

Depression can happen to anyone, but because expats bravely plunge themselves into foreign cultures, they also stand a better chance of isolating themselves in that culture.  If you have begun to feel the expat depression after having lived abroad for a while, don’t forget to be kind to yourself.  Allow yourself to feel the emotion as it comes, assess your situation, and when you’re ready, reach out to someone.  In all likelihood, the pluck and bravery that set you on your journey abroad will be the same pluck and bravery that allows you to set your negative feelings aside and step back into a healthy, happy life.

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